GypsySpirit 
I’ve always had a rebellious spirit since as far as I can remember. I wish I could pinpoint the first time I said “I’m going to do things differently” but I can’t. It’s possible that it’s due to many, many moments throughout my life that, when combined, made me decide to challenge the norm, look for alternative ways of doing things, and keep searching for a better way of life.
My mom, Clara, was quiet, didn’t like attention on herself, was easily embarrassed and a worry-wart, which in turn made her be the responsible mom she was. She worried a lot about everything and that made her a survivor. She took care of the three of us the best way she knew how and provided the best life she possibly could despite the messed up cards life dealt her time and time again.
My father was known as a troublemaker, a loud mouth, the black sheep of his family. He obviously had a rebellious spirit. Because of his very tough upbringing in a home plagued with domestic violence and because of, according to him, his father’s obsession with money, he hated money. He also hated responsibility. He didn’t have any good male role models in his life. He left my life when I was 11 years old and I reconnected with him as an adult. I learned a lot about him when we reconnected.
It’s interesting how we get to know our parents all over again as adults when they no longer hold that parental authority over us or when we’re no longer under the illusion that they’re perfect human beings who could do no wrong. The mysterious cape (or in many cases, facade) is removed and we can see them as what they truly are- human beings.
I took the rebellious nature from my father. Like father, like daughter, right? At the same time I was responsible (too responsible for my age) and did well in school like my mom, so I got excellent grades. Straight As, in fact. I won medals, awards, and scholarships in elementary school. A teacher recommended that my parents let me skip a grade. My parents declined it stating older kids would be more mature than I and it would affect me in a negative way. They believed it would make me grow up too fast.
Funny thing is, I’ve never fit in with my peers. I’ve always acted 5 to 10 years older depending on what stage of life we’re talking about. Sometimes I really wish they would have said yes.
Looking back on my life, I see how that rebellious spirit passed down from my father has always been in conflict with the super responsible, overachieving, “goody-two-shoes” side my mother tried to instill in me. I can see how I’ve shifted between the two at different times in my life.
When life has felt too rigid, too tidy, or too organized, I found ways to unravel it. I become bored and restless very easily. When I found myself “acting out” in my rebellious ways and would reach a point where I was facing a wild, crazy way of life (when I was younger), my goody-two-shoes voice would kick in and bring me back to dull, responsible adult life. One worthy of being accepted in society.
However, I love my rebellious nature. It’s done so much for me. It’s given my life adventure and it’s given me substance.
WAYS IN WHICH REBELLION HAS MADE MY LIFE BETTER
1. My life is interesting (at least to me which is the only opinion that matters)
I have stories to tell that are funny, and compelling and exciting because of this rebellious nature. In comparison to a lot of people I know who are constant worry-warts, who want so desperately to fit in, and do everything by the book, I have often found from experience that their lives are often full of turmoil and dissatisfaction. Or they’re just mind-numbingly bored.
So many I come across that are not happy in the lives they so meticulously carved out for themselves. I’m willing to bet it’s because they never listened to that adventurous inner voice we all have and/or have never given thought to what they actually want. In my opinion, in this society adults are programmed to be boring – they forget to play, to have fun. Our child-like nature is taken away from us as we experience life. I’m most disappointed by how boring most adults are, myself included, because I became one of them. It wasn’t long before I started despising routine, schedules, and to-do’s that I never agreed to. I like to do what I want, when I want, and how I want. You can see how that can clash with the norms of society. The most prominent being having a 9-to-5 job to pay bills.
Depending where you live, and really in most places, this rebellious nature can make you an outcast of society, because of not wanting to conform to what society says you MUST do. I’m not saying it’s ok to be so rebellious that you’re in prison. I’m talking about every day life outcast. In my experience, you won’t get invited to things because you don’t have the life most others have. You don’t have many friends because, well, entrepreneurs usually don’t- they’re too busy using their imagination and creating. You don’t have the same 9-to-5 schedule they have. I’ve never liked to fill my time running errands, shopping and standing around complaining about life.
2. It led me to be a young mom which I now see as a wonderful thing
I was told I was making the biggest mistake of my life having a child at 17 right after high school. Well, 18 by the time he was born. That’s when I said to myself “I will make it my mission to not let it be a mistake and prove everybody wrong.“
In 2024 we see a lot of stories like this in social media but in 1995 the “norm” and general consensus was that your life was ruined if you had kids “too young.”
So my rebellion (and engrained generational patterns) led me to have a child at the age of 18 1/2. I’m 47 today. and my kids are all grown. They’re now 28, 22, 20 and 17.
I love my little tribe.
3. My rebellious tendencies coupled with my ASSERTIVE nature made me decide my career at 14 and start it at 16
Embracing my rebellious spirit has led me to experience a good life as a single mom. I’ve made it my life story to saying no to the common “should have’s”, “must have’s”, “ought to’s” or “have to’s.” Obligations others impose on us just because they think they can. Spouses, ex-spouses, other parents, our kids’s teachers and other members of the education system, our doctors, our friends, and family, and the list go on and on and on. Someone is always trying to tell you how to live your life. Especially the culture I come from.
There is good and bad in everything (good parents, bad parents, good doctors, bad doctors, good teachers, bad teachers and so on). That I also learned early on. We have so much going on as single moms we don’t need someone else telling us what we should or shouldn’t be doing.
What do they know about our lives?
This happens between women and mothers amongst themselves as well. The moms in a two-parent household who know nothing about being single moms look down on us single mothers because we don’t have a husband or a partner. It’s different even between moms according to the number of children they have. Moms of multiple children and moms of a single child have a completely different life and set of challenges. All of us single moms- and all moms and women in general- need to know when to say NO and stick by our decision no matter who’s challenging it.
4. It helped me leave a very toxic relationship
Rebellion made it possible for me to leave a toxic relationship with my high school sweetheart to give my kids a better life. They now follow my example of self-employment and entrepreneurship and their lives ahead are nothing short of exciting. I’m loving every moment of watching where life takes them.
5. It helped me stop being an employee funding someone else’s dream and made me go after my own
It made it so I was in charge of my career successfully at the age of 21 as a single mom with my own apartment and a great job.
It made it possible for me to demand my bosses to pay me a fair salary to compensate me for my above-average skills and not-so-common work ethics.
It made it possible to leave a really great job where I was comfortable to take the risk of starting my own business at the age of 28. I said “screw this employee thing, I want to be my own boss.”
Age, job titles, and degrees don’t give us worth the way our society teaches us. Your chosen profession or the fact that you’ve been on earth 60 years doesn’t necessarily make you the expert in anything. For all I know you could’ve cheated your way through school or gotten by on privilege, good looks, or your witty charm (narcissists anyone?).
I’ve seen it all.
What matters is the person and how they view the world and how they carry themselves through life. Do they question authority or do they do everything they’re told? Do they think for themselves or let others do their thinking? Or do they let books or church or school or government do their thinking for them and make their life choices?
My rebellious spirit has made it that I work when I want and how I want. I don’t take on clients I don’t want to work with. I don’t join clubs or meetings or participate in things I don’t want to. We all have different callings. I may say no to a lot of things but I give so much more in so many other areas.
6. Rebellion made it possible for me to live differently
Life is not just a set of rules to live by and then you die. You have to have curiosity, a desire to explore, you have to want more, strive for better, run, jump, skip, play, travel, meet people of other cultures, go places, vacation, take time off, take your shoes off and walk barefoot, smile more, laugh a LOT more, TAKE RISKS!!!
Do you feel you have a rebellious spirit?
So, those of you with a rebellious spirit- embrace it! If you already see your kids with that same rebellious spirit, make sure to teach them to embrace it. It’s one of those misunderstood virtues some of us get to have naturally. Some don’t “activate it” until after being punched and pushed around by life.
It’s always so funny to me how what society always looks down upon is what has the most potential to propel you to reach higher levels, deeper understanding, and make you an all-around great person.
Especially for women who are taught to never speak up, to not complain, to just submit, to not make a fuss, to not go “against the current.” Let me just say that In my opinion, women have the longest, most imposed, and stricting list of rules in all of society. Way more than men. And we pass this on to our children because, god forbid, you have “unruly” children. Our girls carry forward the long list of strict rules while boys throw out most of them out the window. We’re taught it’s not “lady-like” to be rumbunctious and rebellious.
We’re taught that speaking our minds can get us into trouble. Boys/men can still succeed and get through life just fine and get away with a lot more than us girls/women can. After all, the world is built by them and for them. We’re just in the last two decades starting to wake up to our power and how strong and important we really are. If we only knew how powerful we are we would unite way more and run this world into a peace, loving, functional and efficient one. Yet we’ve let men do it for centuries. We were forced to let them when they took over after doing away with matriarchal societies.
Even with the liberation of women in recent decades, a lot of us still “submit” as religion hypnotizes us to do. It’s all a crock of sh1t if you ask me.
I’ve played the role of a responsible daughter (most times), a responsible mom, and a responsible wife (the latter came to an end).
Nowadays, a title or your age means nothing to me. We’re all attracted to help in different areas. Some people are called to care a lot about animals, some at their children’s school, some at a homeless shelter, some by giving money to the cause of their choice, or some to help families who need it most. It’s all important. One is not more important than the other.
You can say no when you feel it’s not what you’re called to do. Like all those PTAs (parent teacher associations), sports organizations and all those other commitments they tell us we have to take on as parents. A lot of other parents who have a spouse to rely on forget that we’re a single parent household and they expect us to give as much as they give. Um, sorry, but no. I give when I can and when I want to. It has to come from my heart and not from obligation dictated by someone else. My kids were in sports for most of their years growing up. Trust me, I gave, but I had my boundaries.
I’ve volunteered in my kids’ classrooms here and there. I’ve volunteered in their school library. I’ve volunteered at events, donated food, cooked for certain celebrations and helped clean up etc., like a lot of you who might be reading this. However, I did it when I could and when it wasn’t going to affect my well being, my time management, my parenting time, my self-care time, and my sanity.
7. I have no problem saying no and I passed it on to my kids
My rebellious and assertive side makes it that much easier to say NO. I passed it on to my children too. Being rebellious does not equate to being rude or inconsiderate or nasty. My kids and I are well-mannered people who practice a lot of compassion and empathy and caring for the world around us. My kids were not the ones to throw tantrums at the store or misbehave or be disrespectful to anyone. In fact, I always got compliments about how well behaved they were (a thing only brown people hear, by the way).
I taught them to feel their emotions and listen to their inner voice and do what they wanted, not what people told them they should do. I taught them not to question their intuition and to question everything else. I taught them to go after their dreams no matter how crazy they seem. I raised them telling them there’s a whole world out there to explore and that not even their upbringing by me is the say-all, be-all in their lives. Even my parenting- I taught them- is limited to what I’ve experienced and read and taught myself. It made them become very opinionated which is better than becoming people who don’t speak up for themselves or others.
My kids were the kids who stood up to bullies. I taught them to be themselves and express their personalities and to not be afraid of standing out. “Standing out is good!” I always told them. Standing out means you’re not a follower and you do things your way because you think for yourself.
My kids are the kindest, most responsible children you could meet. They’re a delight to be around. They’re my world, literally. One advantage to being a single parent is that you can pass on to them the teachings that life is different for everyone and that not everyone has the same household as everyone else (i.e. one mom + one dad + the kids).
They learn about self-reliance, self-sufficiency, how to help others and each other when they have siblings. They have empathy because they see how hard you work as a single parent to provide and sustain and they learn to appreciate hard work.
I’m very proud that they practice a healthy level of rebellion and because of it the people they are and the lives they lead are nothing short of amazing!
